When you’re trying to figure something out, what helps you find your answer?
An open-ended question or some options to choose from?
A blank sheet of paper or a framework to fill in?
To create from scratch or have a menu of choices?
Do you need an extra pair of eyes?
I have a new pair of jeans. They caught my eye in my local shop and I picked them up on a whim. When I tried them, on I loved them instantly - so comfortable, so soft, such a nice fit!
Then second guessed myself. Were they OK? Did they look OK on me? They were a very different shape, and I didn’t look like I normally did.
I really needed a second opinion, another pair of eyes, a sense check. So, I asked the person in the shop those questions. I know, like and trust her perspective - she always let me know (very directly!) if something suits me or not.
It really helped.
Are you circling a decision?
When we’re grappling with a big decision our thoughts and feelings can go round and round, stuck in a loop that we can’t find a way to divert or direct.
It can feel exhausting, like we’re not getting anywhere, and yet… sometimes circling is an important part of our process.
In my own experience - and in coaching others - I find that we can often circle and explore the same topic or decisions over a number of sessions, days, weeks or months.
Especially if it’s a big one. One that takes us somewhere new or different in our life, work or relationships. One that impacts our lives or the people around us.
And that’s absolutely fine.
Is this a good fit for me?
Many years ago, a defining experience was not getting a job I thought I really wanted.
I had applied to a graduate scheme that felt like the perfect next step, and made it all the way to the last stage before not getting an offer.
It felt like a shocking failure. An example of not measuring up.
For many years I made it all about me and what I’d done wrong. If only I could have been different, been more of what they were looking for.
I never stopped to wonder if it simply wasn’t the right fit for me.
Do you like to dive straight in?
Are you being too flexible?
I’ve done more yoga this year than ever before, and I love both the movement and the insights I get on the mat.
So often something a yoga teacher says will strike a chord.
My most recent a-ha moment was about conscious flexibility - actively choosing when to stretch and when not to.
It linked so clearly for me into our personal boundaries.
Lots of us can stretch, accommodate, adjust.
We can hang out in our flexibility. It can become part of who we are.
We can extend ourselves but hurt ourselves in the process.
We can push ourselves beyond our limits trying to keep up with others.
Sometimes its good to stretch - we don’t want to turn into statues.
Sometimes it’s not - we don’t want to snap.
How do you feel about changing your mind?
How do you feel about changing your mind?
About unravelling a decision.
About saying no to something that felt like a wholehearted yes when you started? Or vice versa?
It can be hard to reverse a decision that once felt good.
And yet it’s really important to pay attention to where you are now, rather than where you were when you started.
Because circumstances can change. And so can you.
What would be the most...?
When you feel like there’s a right answer to something, and you’re not sure what it is, how do you feel?
Energised and open? Excited by all the possibilities?
Probably not.
Stuck? Anxious? Scared of getting it wrong? Worried you’ll make a mistake that can’t be undone?
More likely!
Often we can get really stuck trying to work out the right answer to something.
Which way to go? Which direction to pick? Which option to choose?
It can feel black and white, as though one way is good and the other not. As though there’s no going back. The decision making process can feel tight, and stressful.
These types of right/wrong choices can come up in coaching conversations. Often around the big things, but often about the small things too.
How does the penny drop for you?
There’s a magical moment when we go from knowing something rationally to really *knowing* it.
When the mists clear and the penny drops.
When we know exactly what’s right and what to do next.
It’s especially magical when we’ve been sitting with something for a while. A big decision. A life choice. A crossroads. When something that has been stuck unlocks.
So how do you get to that point?
No more perfect pupil!
One of my new favourite ways to spend Sunday morning is in a warm yoga class at my local studio.
It’s the perfect balance of relaxing and intense (even though I’m always lulled into a false sense of security by the gentleness of the first 15 minutes!).
And this week it came with the added bonus of a huge a-ha moment.
As we settled into our mats the yoga teacher (the brilliant Kayleigh) set up the session.
She reminded us that it was our practice. At any time we could take a break or make a change.
I’ve heard this before and know it makes sense. I’m even getting better at actually doing it :-)
But her next sentence really landed it for me:
“Just because I tell you to do something, doesn’t mean you have to”.
Game changer.
