My sister recently reminded me of the time I spent 2 months living in a tent in the middle of Hungary, part of a group from Edinburgh University helping to build an eco-village.
For many years it was top of mind - my immediate answer to the ‘tell us something we wouldn’t know about you’ question.
And yet I had almost forgotten.
I have been a great completer finisher in my life.
Sometimes when it really would have been wiser to stop.
I’ve trained through injury, I’ve stayed too long in roles that no longer fit me, I’ve chosen to ‘push through’ when really, I needed to stop and regroup.
I’ve also started things that felt like a wonderful idea at the time - before I realised what the process would be like - and then felt I had to see it through.
So, it’s been a complete gift to realise that I don’t have to finish everything I start.
And that I often learn just as much from the things I stop as the things I complete.
It’s all useful data.
I’m a big fan of creating clarity from the inside out.
Of shining a spotlight inside to light the way ahead.
Of getting super clear about who we are on the inside, so we can create the life we want on the outside.
It’s what got me into coaching in the first place.
And yet…
Sometimes, it’s not an inside job.
Sometimes, it’s the situation.
Who were you 12 years ago?
Where were you, and what were you doing?
What was your life like?
So much can change in our life over time.
Our circumstances, our surroundings, the people in our world, what we want, what works for us, how we like to spend our time and energy, what and who we value and appreciate - all can change.
You are not the same person you were 12 years ago, 7 years ago, 1 year ago - even last month or last week.
And neither are the people around you.
And yet it’s so easy to miss the changes. Unless we stop, take stock, notice and appreciate them.
What’s your relationship with praise?
Do you delight in it, or dodge it?
Do you take it to heart, or skip right past it?
Do you rely on it, but worry that it might not last?
I have done all of these, and often still do.
So, it’s been useful to remind myself to take a closer look at it, in a productive way.
“The Pause is the full stop that allows us to consider the next sentence of our lives”
I love this quote by Danielle North, and it feels especially relevant right now, as we head into the darkest nights and festive break, ahead of a New Year.
With this as inspiration, it’s become a tradition for my husband and I sit down with our family calendar at the end of December, to take a look back at the year and reflect on what’s happened.
Where did we go? What did we do? What were the big events and the little memories? We are always astonished at how much we have already forgotten about!
We give the year a theme or a title, and then look forward with a light touch - what will the coming year bring? What would we like it to be like?
Some years the process has been painful with loss, other times rich in learning, often we have marvelled at the sheer amount of change.
It always brings insight and a sense of grounding.
Something you may not know about me is that I was The UK’s Most Enterprising Student 1995.
At the end of my second year at university I completed an 8-week summer placement for a local SME. It was through the Shell Technology Enterprise Programme (STEP) - a way to gain ‘proper’ work experience before graduating.
I then won the competition at the end - sharing the story of my experience in front of different judging panels, and ending up being presented with this trophy at a black-tie dinner.
It was a complete game changer in so many ways.
Mostly in how I thought about myself.
This little girl is about to head off for her first day at school. She loves to read and learn, and so it’s exciting - as well as a bit overwhelming - to be starting something new.
At school she will work hard, follow all the things that interest her, and have some brilliant teachers who bring out the best in her.
She will also learn how to be a perfect pupil.
To learn that there’s always a right answer, and that it’s important to get that answer right.
A big part of her identity will be being the clever one who always does well and rarely makes a mistake – which will come with some pros and a good few cons.
This little girl is me, and the advice I would give my younger self is that it’s OK not to be a perfect pupil.
Recently I was lost in Houston.
On a morning walk I got completely disoriented and couldn’t find my way back to my sister’s house. I saw the bridge of the freeway and my heart sank!
This is not the first time I have got lost.
I have a terrible sense of direction, and on holiday it’s at its worst without my trusty safety net of Maps.
Ironic as I spend my days focusing on finding direction in life and work!
Do you love feedback, or loathe it?
Does receiving it make you feel uncomfortably in the spotlight?
Does it feel like a judgement about you?
I’m back for the third time in Tara Mohr’s Playing Big Facilitators Training (as an alum I get to go back every year and experience it again).
It’s hands down one of the best investments I’ve ever made, and the book is one of my most valuable resources - and the one I most often send the women I work with.
I use a lot of her principles and practical tools in my life and coaching, but one of my favourites - and a gamechanger for both me and others - relates to reframing our relationship with feedback.
We’re on this section of the course right now, and listening to the call this week I was struck all over again at the effect our relationship with, and experience of, feedback can have on us.
