You know those moments that knock you off balance?
Perhaps a conversation takes an unexpected left turn, or you receive disappointing news? Maybe a meeting doesn’t go to plan, or you discover a mistake that you’re not sure how to fix? Or a worry or challenge you thought was sorted reappears in a new way?
We can’t avoid them - they happen to all of us and are part of the natural ups and downs of life - but we can understand what helps us come back to centre when they do. It helps to be prepared!
When we’re feeling unprepared, unsure, or worried about something it can be tempting to push down the feelings and tell ourselves it will be fine.
If we share our feelings with other people a common response can be for them to tell us the same thing: Don’t worry! You’ll be great! Just be yourself! Go for it! They encourage us to relax, to have more confidence, not to underestimate ourselves.
And sometimes it is about mindset. If we have plenty of experience, evidence, examples that we are prepared and can do it, it’s absolutely time to take care of our safety instinct and that pesky voice of ‘not good enough’.
But sometimes the feelings fit the circumstances, especially if we’re doing something for the first time or stepping into a larger space - taking on new responsibilities, interviewing for a role that would be a stretch, thinking about making a leap.
It’s been a big September in our house; we are officially an empty nest! Our youngest has just started university while our eldest is spending their 3rd year studying even further away in Canada.
It’s brilliant, all is well, everyone is settled - and yet… I’m feeling the need for some personal TLC and recovery.
So, I’ve been treating myself to more time in energy restoration mode.
Last week I spent a chunk of time back in Yorkshire on retreat.
The same venue, another brilliant group of women, another transformative experience to absorb and reflect on.
Usually I drive straight home afterwards, using the 5-hour drive to decompress before returning to my everyday life. This time I pit stopped with a friend for a night.
What a gift!
My New Year energy is a late bloomer.
It’s still in hibernation mode at the moment and generally seems to lie in wait until February, sparking to life as January comes to an end and the days start to get lighter and brighter.
It’s perhaps because we have a busy festive season followed by a number of birthdays just after. Or years of following the rhythm of the school year - waving kids off after the half term break and appreciating the lighter mornings. Or maybe I’m simply more solar powered than I realise!
Whatever the reason, it means that January is rarely a time to set big new goals or tackle big energy moves.
So, what do I do in the meantime?
Ah hindsight!
Isn’t it funny how life can keep giving you the same learning over and over again?
Each time it looks a bit different. And then you realise - oh this again!
Mine is all about doing too much for too long and exhausting myself.
It starts with being busy, running around with no space in between things. I feel a sense of urgency to complete everything on an endless to do list, and yet even as I’m ticking them off, I’m adding more.
The short-term payoff is feeling super productive - but it always leads to overwhelm.
Over time I’ve learned to spot the spiral. I know to take a breath and a step back. To ask myself:
Does this really need to happen now?
What needs to be done, and what can wait?
If I focused on just one thing, what would it be?
And to give myself the time and space to declutter, to simplify, and follow my energy instead of a list.
Of course, once I got good at this, it showed up differently.
I started filling the space with different things. Not the everyday ones (I’ve learned that lesson!), but the ones I always meant to get to, if only I had the time…
And then I exhausted myself. Lesson learned - again :-)
I know from experience that I’m much more effective when I do less rather than more, and yet it’s still a recurring challenge.
It’s sneaky and rarely shows up in the same way twice. It finds a disguise - and too late - I realise I’ve fallen into the trap again!
And of course, I always will. But I can and am learning to spot it earlier, and to be kinder to myself when it happens. I can even laugh (in hindsight).
What’s your never-ending life lesson?
The one that shows up differently each time? The recurring challenge, that constantly raises its level?
And what helps you spot it and come back to centre?
Wishing you the power of hindsight and kindness to yourself,
I love to read, and always have done.
For me, it’s a beautiful way of opening my mind and expanding my horizons, of entertaining and educating my brain. It’s also one of my favourite ways to rest and recharge.
I set myself up in a comfy place with a hot drink and a brilliant book like this one, and immerse. I read slowly - digesting each part and really savouring it, even when I’m longing to race ahead!
When it’s time to stop I feel calm and restored, and fresh ideas pop into my head. It’s like plugging into a creatively energising power source.
Except when it isn’t.
Do you ever find yourself stuck between a rock and a hard place in your mind?
Caught between two opposing options - both of which feel like a compromise, neither of which feel like a realistic solution?
Endlessly going back and forth between the pros and cons of each without finding an answer?
It’s not a fun place to be, and many of us get stuck here.
This was me in Brighton last week.
I had 2 wonderful nights by the sea, coaching as usual from a different place. Plus leisurely breakfasts, walks along the seafront, yoga, reading, baths and quiet evenings.
Quality time in my own space, with the freedom to follow my energy and empty out - and the added bonus of being a little cooler than London temperatures.
A complete gift.
