You know those moments that knock you off balance?
Perhaps a conversation takes an unexpected left turn, or you receive disappointing news? Maybe a meeting doesn’t go to plan, or you discover a mistake that you’re not sure how to fix? Or a worry or challenge you thought was sorted reappears in a new way?
We can’t avoid them - they happen to all of us and are part of the natural ups and downs of life - but we can understand what helps us come back to centre when they do. It helps to be prepared!
There have been magical moments in my life when the penny dropped, the insight landed, the way forward became clear. I knew what needed to change!
I’ll never forget those moments, often sparked by an unexpected conversation with someone who unlocked the way forward.
Each one fundamentally changed the course of my life. They led to years out, travel, career paths, resignations, redirections and reinventions.
Which makes it sound like the changes were easy. If only!
When we’re feeling unprepared, unsure, or worried about something it can be tempting to push down the feelings and tell ourselves it will be fine.
If we share our feelings with other people a common response can be for them to tell us the same thing: Don’t worry! You’ll be great! Just be yourself! Go for it! They encourage us to relax, to have more confidence, not to underestimate ourselves.
And sometimes it is about mindset. If we have plenty of experience, evidence, examples that we are prepared and can do it, it’s absolutely time to take care of our safety instinct and that pesky voice of ‘not good enough’.
But sometimes the feelings fit the circumstances, especially if we’re doing something for the first time or stepping into a larger space - taking on new responsibilities, interviewing for a role that would be a stretch, thinking about making a leap.
It’s been a big September in our house; we are officially an empty nest! Our youngest has just started university while our eldest is spending their 3rd year studying even further away in Canada.
It’s brilliant, all is well, everyone is settled - and yet… I’m feeling the need for some personal TLC and recovery.
So, I’ve been treating myself to more time in energy restoration mode.
One of my most memorable coach training days was focused on Improv skills, and during it we played a number of games to stretch us in all kinds of ways.
One in particular really stayed with me. We stood in a circle and moved imaginary energy around and between us - accepting it and passing it on (Zip) or rejecting it and sending it back (Boing).
It took me back to a few university drinking games (with fewer after effects!).
At one point the energy got stuck in a Zip-Boing loop - bouncing back and forth, trying to move and then being blocked, over and over again.
The only way for it to get moving again was for someone to make a change, release the energy and break the pattern.
And, of course, it’s the same in real life.
I’ve had this book on a shelf for many years - one of those that I felt I should read, and wanted to read, but couldn’t seem to get around taking it off the shelf and starting.
And then, a month or so ago, the Time To Think approach came up in conversation with a friend. She was a huge fan, and hearing her perspective really inspired me.
Even better, she offered to be my study buddy.
I’ve always been fascinated by who we are and why we are.
For many years I loved a personality test, a type assessment, a quiz - any way to help me find out who I was and what made me tick.
Most of them were useful in some way - helpful lenses that showed me where I fit in someone else’s framework - but even more useful has been building my own personal understanding, from the inside out.
Have you ever realised you’re completely off track?
Recently a good friend and I were lost on the South Downs. We had set out to do a lovely 4.5 mile loop and ended up doing a hot, hilly and exhausting 9 miles.
It was not intentional!
We’d followed the signs, and it had looked pretty straightforward, and yet we got lost more than once. Even my beloved Maps app couldn’t help.
As we stood at the edge of a field, covered in scratches, hopelessly willing the path to emerge it was a brilliant example of how easy it is to veer off course.
Especially if you’re not paying attention (there was a lot of chatting), or if the sign you’re looking for just doesn’t appear and you keep going anyway (!).
Some of my favourite coaching sessions recently have been to identify peoples strengths - the particular contributions they naturally make, the qualities and skills they bring with them wherever they go.
It’s a fun process, using feedback they’ve received and responses to how they’ve shown up and what they’ve done. It’s a brilliant way of gathering the threads from real life experience.
What’s fascinating is that most of these people have only had the information to work with because they’re about to leave - either temporarily or permanently.
