Sometimes in life it can feel as though we’re stuck between a rock and a hard place.
Perhaps we’re trying to make a decision about whether to stay and put up with where we are, or leave now to find something new?
Or choosing whether to keep the peace and stay quiet, or speak up and create conflict?
Or wondering whether to say yes and go all in, or no and let it go?
When I’m trying to figure something out, the hardest place to do so is in my own head.
My thoughts and feelings go round in circles, trying and failing to find a way through - never the most useful process!
Once I get them out - either onto paper, or into words - it’s so much easier to see and understand what I think and feel.
And it’s not just me.
Do I fit? Do you like me?
This Post-it note was originally for my teenage son - a prompt for him to try on a shirt, left lying in an obvious position to help drive a decision.
It made me smile, and also realise what useful questions they were.
I imagined it stuck to all kinds of things!
When we’re presented with a choice it can really help to have something to respond to.
Questions can be a great option - a way of sparking our thinking process.
Examples from coaching sessions include:
Do I want to do this, and is it doable?
Does this feel interesting, and do I have the energy for it?
Can I do this, and can I still be me while I do it?
How do I feel? What do I need?
Sometimes they stay the same - reliable questions that multi-task.
Sometimes they change depending on the situation, or what’s most important at the time.
The key is to have something to respond to, because useful questions help us filter our choices, so we can figure out what’s right for us - and let go of the rest.
What questions help you filter your choices?
And would popping them on a Post-it note be a useful reminder?
Wishing you all a week of useful filtering,
There’s a magical moment when things become clear.
The penny drops, we see or feel things differently, there’s a shift and a sense of things clicking into place.
Once we know, we can’t unknow - even if our mind tries to talk us out of it and it doesn’t make sense on paper - or to the people around us.
But how do you know when you know?
I have a new pair of jeans. They caught my eye in my local shop and I picked them up on a whim. When I tried them, on I loved them instantly - so comfortable, so soft, such a nice fit!
Then second guessed myself. Were they OK? Did they look OK on me? They were a very different shape, and I didn’t look like I normally did.
I really needed a second opinion, another pair of eyes, a sense check. So, I asked the person in the shop those questions. I know, like and trust her perspective - she always let me know (very directly!) if something suits me or not.
It really helped.
When we’re grappling with a big decision our thoughts and feelings can go round and round, stuck in a loop that we can’t find a way to divert or direct.
It can feel exhausting, like we’re not getting anywhere, and yet… sometimes circling is an important part of our process.
In my own experience - and in coaching others - I find that we can often circle and explore the same topic or decisions over a number of sessions, days, weeks or months.
Especially if it’s a big one. One that takes us somewhere new or different in our life, work or relationships. One that impacts our lives or the people around us.
And that’s absolutely fine.
Way back in the day, when my husband and I got married, we had a clear sense of what we wanted our wedding to be like - partly based on other people’s weddings, partly based on how we were as a couple, and a lot based on our budget!
We knew we wanted to do it ‘our way’ - to celebrate the start of a new chapter by bringing people that were important to us together, in a simple, relaxed, ‘us’ way.
We knew we wanted our guests to have a fun day and evening with good food and wine, and lots of laughter. To know each other and have felt a part of something personal.
I’ve done more yoga this year than ever before, and I love both the movement and the insights I get on the mat.
So often something a yoga teacher says will strike a chord.
My most recent a-ha moment was about conscious flexibility - actively choosing when to stretch and when not to.
It linked so clearly for me into our personal boundaries.
Lots of us can stretch, accommodate, adjust.
We can hang out in our flexibility. It can become part of who we are.
We can extend ourselves but hurt ourselves in the process.
We can push ourselves beyond our limits trying to keep up with others.
Sometimes its good to stretch - we don’t want to turn into statues.
Sometimes it’s not - we don’t want to snap.
