Who's your alter ego?

Who's your alter ego?

This label has been with me for the last 5 years.

It dates from when I did the brilliant Co-Active Training Institute Fundamentals coaching course, from an exercise a couple of days in.

In small groups each person had some time in the spotlight, and everyone took it in turns to acknowledge them.

To name the qualities they saw that shone out into the world.

To share the qualities they wanted to see more of, that could come to the surface and be more visible.

It was incredibly powerful to be seen in this way.

This label came from the last part - an archetype to sum up the noticings. An alter ego to play with for the rest of the day.

How does the penny drop for you?

How does the penny drop for you?

There’s a magical moment when we go from knowing something rationally to really *knowing* it.

When the mists clear and the penny drops.

When we know exactly what’s right and what to do next.

It’s especially magical when we’ve been sitting with something for a while. A big decision. A life choice. A crossroads. When something that has been stuck unlocks.

So how do you get to that point?

What are your career criteria?

What are your career criteria?

In 2011, when I was in the messy liminal space between roles, I wrote my criteria for what I wanted from the next stage of my working life.

I went back through my CV and thought about when I’d been happiest and at my best.

I thought about what I’d learned from realising I wanted and needed to change paths.

I gathered the threads from the journey I’d been on with my first ever coach - the wondrous Nicola Jones.


These 5 questions acted as my career compass - a set of filters that helped me land happily in the world of consultancy for the next 7 years.


Over a decade later it’s one of my favourite coaching tools.

Are you skipping the scary parts?

Are you skipping the scary parts?

The first date my husband and I went on was to see Pulp Fiction at the cinema. He quickly realised I’m not good with the scary bits!

I spent most of the film with my face pressed into his shoulder and my fingers in my ears (miraculously we’re still together nearly 30 years later).

I’m still not great with anticipatory fear on screen. I close my eyes. I block my ears. I find it really hard to watch.

And it can affect life off screen too. Fear of what might be - the unknown - can often slow me down and keep me stuck.


And yet…

The easy trap of compare and despair…

The easy trap of compare and despair…

“Do you find yourself contrasting how someone else’s life looks on the outside, with how yours feels on the inside?

Can it feel as though everyone else is doing it ‘better’?

Is compare and despair an easy trap for you to fall into?

Me too. My inner critic absolutely loves to jump into this place.

A snapshot of someone else’s life can bring up a whole lot of stuff for many of us. Especially if it lands in a tender spot.

This was brought to life for me recently - but from the other side of the experience…

Why it's useful to be specific

Why it's useful to be specific

“Should I make this less specific?”

I’ve had a few people ask me this question in coaching sessions recently.

They feel they ‘should’ be bringing bigger ‘meta’ issues.

They worry that by being specific they are focusing in on too small a thing - or narrowing their options too much.

They think they should focus on the bigger picture rather than one piece of the puzzle.

When this happens I tell them that it’s generally really useful to be specific.

No more perfect pupil!

No more perfect pupil!

One of my new favourite ways to spend Sunday morning is in a warm yoga class at my local studio.


It’s the perfect balance of relaxing and intense (even though I’m always lulled into a false sense of security by the gentleness of the first 15 minutes!).

And this week it came with the added bonus of a huge a-ha moment.


As we settled into our mats the yoga teacher (the brilliant Kayleigh) set up the session.

She reminded us that it was our practice. At any time we could take a break or make a change.

I’ve heard this before and know it makes sense. I’m even getting better at actually doing it :-)

But her next sentence really landed it for me:

“Just because I tell you to do something, doesn’t mean you have to”.

Game changer.

The power of altitude

The power of altitude

I absolutely love being safely up high.

When I was little, I loved to sit at the very top of the climbing frame in our back garden (strangely, especially when it was raining and I could sit under an umbrella!).

Some of my favourite holidays have been in the mountains in the summer.

When I imagine where my future self lives, she has a wide-open view.


Anywhere with a bit of height and a big sky calms me down and opens me up. It gives me a beautiful sense of perspective. I can see things more clearly.


I keep this card close by to remind me of that feeling.

Do you have a greenhouse for ideas?

Do you have a greenhouse for ideas?

“Where do you get your ideas from?”

I was asked this recently, and I replied that I see ideas everywhere.

I’ll notice something - a visual, a sentence in a book, a view, a part of a conversation - and an idea forms in my brain. Sometimes it’s just a fragment, and sometimes it seems to download, fully formed.

And I then realised that wasn’t the whole story.

When I reflected on it further I realised that I’ve been increasing my capacity to have ideas over time. I’ve been building a habit.

It’s a practice, not a gift.

The trap of all or nothing thinking…

The trap of all or nothing thinking…

I recently spent the weekend on retreat. A hugely restorative 48 hours in a beautiful place with the perfect mix of rest and activity.

As it came towards the end there was a focus on what we wanted to take home with us.

What to add into our regular lives that would help us hold onto some of the magical feeling.

One thing to say yes to for ourselves.

A super useful exercise, as when you can’t take it all, it can be easy not to take anything, to simply return to normal life.

To think that, because you can’t recreate the whole experience, then doing nothing is the only option.