Collaborative Conversations

Can I talk at you for a bit?

Can I talk at you for a bit?

One simple question has made an enormous difference to my life, my relationships, my choices - and a lot of conversations with my husband: “Can I talk at you for a bit?”

I know now that when I’m stuck or need to work through something, I do my best thinking and feeling when the words come out of my head.

Often, I really don’t know how I feel about something until I say it out loud, and it can take me by surprise.

I’m so glad that I know this now, because it’s not a neat process.

It can take some time and lots of verbal circles - creating a messy first draft and then revising in real time. I need to follow the thread without worrying about it making sense.

And for that, I need a patient witness to listen and let me talk it out. To be OK with me talking AT them for a bit, rather than WITH them.

“How do they prefer to communicate?”

“How do they prefer to communicate?”

I’ve done a lot of coaching sessions recently around communication.

How do we understand what someone else is saying?

How do we make ourselves understood?

There can be a lot of emotion when it feels like it isn’t working - frustration, anger, disappointment, bitterness...

Both people are trying their best. But often the conversation doesn’t bring out the best in either of them.

“How do they prefer to communicate?” is a great question to move past the challenge and find a way forward.

What's your perfect solution?

What's your perfect solution?

Over lunch the other day my husband asked me this question and it was brilliant.

Because I couldn’t answer it.

I had been bemoaning the lack of a perfect solution in a few areas of my life - not big challenges, more small niggles that didn’t feel quite right.

I really had to stop and think.

And it turns out that was exactly what I needed to do :-)

How to help when you're not a subject matter expert

How to help when you're not a subject matter expert

I’ve spent a good few hours working 1:1 with someone over the last few weeks, supporting them, coaching them, helping them prepare for a big life event.

And I’ve had almost no idea what they have actually said.

My son has been prepping for his German A level speaking exam, and I’ve been the person listening to him as he practices out loud.

It’s helped something really click - that coaching, or supporting someone in any form, is so often about focusing on the person and not the problem/topic/situation.