I’m a big fan of creating clarity from the inside out.
Of shining a spotlight inside to light the way ahead.
Of getting super clear about who we are on the inside, so we can create the life we want on the outside.
It’s what got me into coaching in the first place.
And yet…
Sometimes, it’s not an inside job.
Sometimes, it’s the situation.
Have you ever tried to create the perfect habit… and ended up never getting started?
For a long time I wanted to add some strength training back into my life.
I know it’s important, I feel better when I do it, it feels good to feel stronger.
And yet for a long time I didn’t do it.
And then felt bad about not doing it.
And still didn’t do it.
I love a good declutter - of clothes, books, anything really.
The feeling of sorting out and creating order is super satisfying.
So, imagine my joy at being able to do the same thing with people’s to do lists in a coaching session!
Specifically, the type of list of things that aren’t getting done.
The things that feel too big to tick off easily, so they lurk at the bottom, and often get carried over from week to week.
The things that you know you ‘should’ get to, but can’t seem to get into action on.
And the longer they lurk, the harder it feels to get started.
Who were you 12 years ago?
Where were you, and what were you doing?
What was your life like?
So much can change in our life over time.
Our circumstances, our surroundings, the people in our world, what we want, what works for us, how we like to spend our time and energy, what and who we value and appreciate - all can change.
You are not the same person you were 12 years ago, 7 years ago, 1 year ago - even last month or last week.
And neither are the people around you.
And yet it’s so easy to miss the changes. Unless we stop, take stock, notice and appreciate them.
I’ve done a lot of coaching sessions recently around communication.
How do we understand what someone else is saying?
How do we make ourselves understood?
There can be a lot of emotion when it feels like it isn’t working - frustration, anger, disappointment, bitterness...
Both people are trying their best. But often the conversation doesn’t bring out the best in either of them.
“How do they prefer to communicate?” is a great question to move past the challenge and find a way forward.
Over lunch the other day my husband asked me this question and it was brilliant.
Because I couldn’t answer it.
I had been bemoaning the lack of a perfect solution in a few areas of my life - not big challenges, more small niggles that didn’t feel quite right.
I really had to stop and think.
And it turns out that was exactly what I needed to do :-)
I’ve spent a good few hours working 1:1 with someone over the last few weeks, supporting them, coaching them, helping them prepare for a big life event.
And I’ve had almost no idea what they have actually said.
My son has been prepping for his German A level speaking exam, and I’ve been the person listening to him as he practices out loud.
It’s helped something really click - that coaching, or supporting someone in any form, is so often about focusing on the person and not the problem/topic/situation.
Do you have a lot going on in your head right now?
I do.
We have two teenagers, each doing big exams this year.
Work is busy in a brilliant way.
I’ve said yes to a few things that feel good scary.
Some things are closing and others are beginning.
My brain is busy busy whirring away with ideas...
…and I also feel a strong desire to rest.
What to do?
