Most Friday mornings you’ll find me walking our dog in the park with friends.
We’re all mums of teenagers, and share experiences, learnings and hacks for the various challenges and situations we face. It’s good to get it all out and leave it in the park!
They are ‘friends who get where I am now’ – and form part of a wider support system that has evolved and grown as I have.
When I reflect on who else is part of the system, I can see how varied it is – and how far it stretches.
Over the summer I was on a flight with my family, and my sister’s family, heading back to Houston with them.
Ever mindful of hydration, I flipped the lid on my water bottle - and was promptly and thoroughly drenched by a plume of water! I shrieked. Several rows away my nephew said “that’s Aunty Caz!”.
Never again. Lesson learned the hard way :-)
It got me reflecting on what else I’ve learned the hard way. Here are a few that came to mind straight away:
1. When I feel overwhelmed, it’s time to simplify
2. Pay attention to what my body is telling me (or it will shout)
3. It’s important to say no to things that don’t feel right anymore
4. Feedback is a personal perspective, not a judgement
5. Sometimes all you need to do is listen
6. Marathons are not my friend (it took 5 to learn this one)
7. Volunteers, not recruits
8. If you don’t like it, do what you can to change it
9. Always have the conversation. No one is a mind reader.
10. You absolutely can’t please everyone (and it’s OK not to)
Of course, the tricky thing is not just to learn the lesson, but remember the lesson. Otherwise, we keep having to relearn it - over and over again…
I’m not likely to make the same mistake with my water bottle now, but I know that the others may well keep coming back to haunt me – and often do.
So how to keep the learning present?
In coaching there’s a useful too we use called ‘structures’ – things that intervene in everyday life to remind us of what we want to remember. Different types of structure appeal to different people, or work for different situations. They can be visual, tactile, auditory – for example a song, an item of clothing, an object, a calendar reminder…
I keep my lessons visible in a way that works for me – among other things I have various post it’s dotted around, and also a necklace that I wear to remind me that it’s OK to be the exception to the rule.
They all help me remember what I already know, but forget sometimes when life gets in the way!
What have you learned the hard way?
And how can you remember the lesson you learned so you don’t have to learn it again?
Wishing you all a great week,
Do you ever have too many ideas crowding around in your head? Along with a ticker tape to do list? And another bucket of things you don’t want to forget?
Taking up valuable headspace that you’d really rather use to move forward?
Keeping you stuck where you are, rather than where you want to go?
It’s not just you.
Do you ever feel overwhelmed by the scale of something? And then feel so overwhelmed that you don’t know where to start. And so, don’t?
For months (more than a year?) my husband and I have meaning to put together an evening meal plan for our family. We share the cooking, and it makes a big difference not to have to figure it out from scratch each day.
We know what we need, we know it will help, and yet… we haven’t done it.
Do you ever ask a question out loud to someone, and then immediately answer it yourself without need them to speak? This happens to me all the time.
I know I’m not alone, and last week I learned a new term for it.
‘Rubberducking’ is a hack in software development, and is the act of describing a coding problem to an inanimate object that won’t judge you, that often leads to finding the solution just a few moments later.
Over the summer I took a big chunk of time off. We had the luxury of a 3-week holiday in 3 different places. We explored, we relaxed, we had a lot of fun, and we spent time with my sister and family for the first time in nearly 3 years.
Then when we got back, we took a trip up to Yorkshire. Every time we go, I do the same run to ‘Bird’s Corner’. It’s 2 miles uphill, with the reward of a beautiful view, and a relaxing cruise back down. I always pause at the top. It’s a peaceful place, and gives me a feeling of calm and spaciousness.
In both cases, being away from home created some distance between me and my everyday life, and gave me a very different perspective. I could look at my life from afar, reflect on where I am, where I’ve been, and where I want to go. I could think about what matters most.
