If only we’d had a conversation beforehand…
Almost 18 years ago Stu and I went on holiday to the Lake District.
It was one of our last times away before having our first child. I was 6 months pregnant.
We thought it would be lots of fun to cycle from where we were to Keswick. Not far away at all said Stu…
If you know him, you know that he is a brilliant, strong, capable cyclist who absolutely loves being on his bike. Me? Not so much.
Cut to several miles later, on Kirkstone Pass.
Stu is waiting at the top in excited expectation. Camera in hand, waiting to capture the moment when I crest the hill radiating happiness and satisfaction (see left photo).
I am two thirds of the way up, in floods of tears, pretty angry, and feeling all of the things - devastated that no one is coming to rescue me.
Eventually I catch my breath, struggle up and we have an interesting conversation.
One that continues as I freak out down the Struggle, and at the sign that tells us it’s another 15 miles uphill to Keswick. Intermittently I rediscovered my sense of humour (see left photo).
When we finally get there he sets me up at a cafe, cycles back to get the car, and drives to get me. All is well, and yet…
If only we’d had a useful conversation before we started!
If only I’d asked some questions rather than delegating all the responsibility to him.
If only I knew then what I know now.
That it really helps if you have a conversation at the start that covers:
What are we here to do?
What do we want the outcome to be?
What will we each do to make that happen?
What do we do if we go off track?
In coaching it’s called designing the alliance. Or in normal words - what do we need to agree before we start for this to be a great experience for both of us?
Designing our alliance is useful in all areas of our life - in work, at home, when deciding where to go - anywhere it’s important to know that we’re both on the same page.
And yet we often don’t think to stop and do it before we dive in, so we don’t know if the movie playing in their head is the same as ours.
Is there somewhere in your life it would be useful to have a conversation like this?
And what would be good to agree before you start?
Wishing you all a week of clear communication,
