I love Values.
It’s where we start every coaching relationship.
I see them as the foundation for everything else.
In my life too.
But recently I realised that Values isn’t quite the right word for how I see them, what I mean when I think of them, what they feel like they are.
More and more I think of them as ingredients.
For what makes our particular lives, our unique work, the whole of us, feel good - have energy, satisfaction, peace, success, delight…
For what makes us feel like us.
In a yoga class recently, I realised that I couldn’t switch my quads on - “lift at the kneecaps” was something my brain simply couldn’t connect with my body to create.
In some ways it wasn’t a surprise. I’ve been intentionally focusing on other parts for the last few months - my core, my balance, my strength in different places.
All brilliant and needed at the time, and now I need to pay a little more attention to the parts I have forgotten about.
This can be true in our life as well as with our body. At certain points we can be focused on a particular part of it - our work, our health, our past, our future.
Are you forgetting to look back?
So often in life we are focused on the future, and the gap between where we are and where we want to be.
It can feel hard to see how we will get to the destination. We can feel like we are a long way off, and maybe that we will never arrive.
We can end up…
Focusing on how far we have to go, rather than where we are.
Reviewing what we haven’t done, rather than what we have.
Measuring ourselves harshly against expected progress, rather than actual progress.
We can forget to to look behind us to celebrate the journey we’ve already made.
Do you struggle with self promotion?
Does it feel icky to share what you’re up to?
That you shouldn’t have to be political to get ahead?
That it should be enough to do good work and be rewarded for it?
It’s not just you.
I coach a lot around visibility, and voice, and how to show up and share what you’re up to without feeling icky - both within an organisation, or online.
When people bring this topic it can feel as though there are only two choices…
Ah January.
A time of setting out your intentions for the year ahead.
For thinking about what you want to be different this year.
For taking time to focus on where you want to spend your time and energy.
It’s a super useful thing to do - we have to dream before we can work out how to make it happen. It’s a gift to give ourselves the time to reflect before we get sucked into the year.
And yet, if we’re not careful we can set the wrong types of goals. Ones stuck in the language of ‘should’ and need’.
Who do you admire?
I love this question.
Both asking it and answering it.
It gives such insight.
I haven’t always loved it though.
In the past I found it really hard to answer. I couldn’t think of people I admired without my inner critic getting very noisy.
It told me that everyone I thought about was too far away from where I was - completely out of reach. I fell into compare and despair and couldn’t see why it was helpful.
“The Pause is the full stop that allows us to consider the next sentence of our lives”
I love this quote by Danielle North, and it feels especially relevant right now, as we head into the darkest nights and festive break, ahead of a New Year.
With this as inspiration, it’s become a tradition for my husband and I sit down with our family calendar at the end of December, to take a look back at the year and reflect on what’s happened.
Where did we go? What did we do? What were the big events and the little memories? We are always astonished at how much we have already forgotten about!
We give the year a theme or a title, and then look forward with a light touch - what will the coming year bring? What would we like it to be like?
Some years the process has been painful with loss, other times rich in learning, often we have marvelled at the sheer amount of change.
It always brings insight and a sense of grounding.
