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How to help when you're not a subject matter expert

How to help when you're not a subject matter expert

I’ve spent a good few hours working 1:1 with someone over the last few weeks, supporting them, coaching them, helping them prepare for a big life event.

And I’ve had almost no idea what they have actually said.

My son has been prepping for his German A level speaking exam, and I’ve been the person listening to him as he practices out loud.

It’s helped something really click - that coaching, or supporting someone in any form, is so often about focusing on the person and not the problem/topic/situation.

Are you hiding your light?

Are you hiding your light?

Do you struggle with self promotion?

Does it feel icky to share what you’re up to?

That you shouldn’t have to be political to get ahead?

That it should be enough to do good work and be rewarded for it?

It’s not just you.

I coach a lot around visibility, and voice, and how to show up and share what you’re up to without feeling icky - both within an organisation, or online.

When people bring this topic it can feel as though there are only two choices…

If only we’d had a conversation beforehand…

If only we’d had a conversation beforehand…

If only we’d had a conversation beforehand…

Almost 18 years ago Stu and I went on holiday to the Lake District.

It was one of our last times away before having our first child. I was 6 months pregnant.

We thought it would be lots of fun to cycle from where we were to Keswick. Not far away at all said Stu…

If you know him, you know that he is a brilliant, strong, capable cyclist who absolutely loves being on his bike. Me? Not so much.

What's your relationship with feedback?

What's your relationship with feedback?

Do you love feedback, or loathe it?

Does receiving it make you feel uncomfortably in the spotlight?

Does it feel like a judgement about you?

I’m back for the third time in Tara Mohr’s Playing Big Facilitators Training (as an alum I get to go back every year and experience it again).

It’s hands down one of the best investments I’ve ever made, and the book is one of my most valuable resources - and the one I most often send the women I work with.

I use a lot of her principles and practical tools in my life and coaching, but one of my favourites - and a gamechanger for both me and others - relates to reframing our relationship with feedback.

We’re on this section of the course right now, and listening to the call this week I was struck all over again at the effect our relationship with, and experience of, feedback can have on us.

Are you feeling frustrated by something?

Are you feeling frustrated by something?

It has taken me over 2 years to write this post it!

Over 2 years of feeling a burst of irritation anytime anyone has a wee in our downstairs loo while I’m coaching (it’s the room next door).

Over 2 years of thinking ‘do they not realise I’m coaching?’

Over 2 years of wondering if the sound is audible (!)


And over 2 years of not actually saying anything to anyone in my family…


Until now.

How do you explain something magical?

How do you explain something magical?

Do you ever find it hard to explain something that has had a big impact on you? An experience? A great book? An idea?

Perhaps you’ve found yourself describing it in detail to someone, only to realise you’re not communicating it well at all?

I have been working with my current coach (the calm, clear, completely fabulous Sue Belton) for the last 6 months. Throughout that time, I have been singing her praises to everyone I meet.

I love working with her.